I was taken over…

Landing back in Nova Scotia this past week I had this feeling I just couldn’t shake.

I was happy to be home, but I wasn’t happy. I felt a bit depressed and lifeless… almost in a daze, sleepy, with little energy.

And emotional. Tears that wanted to form the moment I started to talk about it with any friend.

Judgment, expectations, I could hear an old story I was struggling to meet and overcome. I didn’t know what to do, and struggled to want to face it.

Then talking with Matt yesterday, tears again rising into my eyes, he said something that gave me an ah-ha, “to see a way out of the problem, we can’t approach it from the place we’ve been in the problem.”

In that moment, I realized if I’m caught in the emotion of this, I’m not really seeing the solution or way out. “I am the emotion, not the one who can find the solution.”

When we are caught in a state of dysregulation through stress, grief, or anger our nervous system becomes highly activated and we aren’t able to think as clearly. In these moments, our emotional responses can dominate our experience until we’re guided back into regulation, either by ourselves or with the support of someone else.

I immediately recognized this, though I still struggled to pull myself out completely. Talking with Matt and co-regulating a bit definitely helped. I felt lighter after.

Then in the evening I came across a reel that drove it home for me, and reminded me of what I had lost track of in my practice. (I love when we’re shown what we need next.)

Here is a snapshot of what was shared…

When we’re young and don’t learn to process our emotions well, we are more apt to stay stuck in them, we don’t learn our way out. So now, as adults we can learn to support ourselves… to see the emotions, witness the thoughts, and recognize the behaviours. And to realize this is a part of us, not all of us. It is possible to lead ourselves through.

I knew this, but in the loop of the emotion, had forgotten.

So I decided to journal about what I was feeling then sat in meditation to explore my inner world further. With more attentive awareness, my inner stability arose, separating from the emotions engulfing my heart… it felt like connecting with my Higher Self, or my inner adult. My hand on my heart, anchoring me into the now.

Witnessing, I could hear a part of me judging with expectations and I could see another part of me feeling depressed by those judgments.

The judgements were a familiar story, an old mechanism of safety trying to get me to a new place, but often leaving me distressed.

I began to coach myself. I acknowledged the goal of the judger and asked that part to ease back for a moment, as that’s part of my practice. Then I gently turned to the one with the emotional response. She was younger. I let her know she is safe and could feel her anguish of “not good enough” with all the judgment. I proceeded to show her everything she needed to be reminded of about our life and how the judgments were misguided, she softened. The judgments faded as the judger also witnessed the truth, and I felt a resurgence of acceptance and love. My younger self swirled in her blue dress and danced in the sunlight. Free… I could see how her joyful light is such an important part of my life.

And I could feel the shift, into the lightness, full of gratitude, and an empowerment that is my truth today… not the doubt, fear, and rejection of my past.

My heart opened and expanded.

Being back in Alberta brought up some memories that weren’t bad or wrong, but stirred something that needed to be seen, recalibrated and integrated.

This experience felt like an important reminder about Self-leadership.

When we can learn to be in relationship with ourselves by listening and witnessing, we don’t become the past or get stuck in the old programming, we make space for what arises, process it, and gently move through it. We shift and find more ease, grace, and love in our life.

In this way we live from a more embodied truth, rather than an old mental/emotional narrative.

What emotions get you caught right now?

Is there a story looping in your mind you can’t seem to turn off?

How do you support yourself through those experiences?

I’d love to connect, listen, and support you in finding your way through. I can help you self-discover with these practices, so you can learn to lead yourself through these types of moments too.

We all deserve to feel free and live from an empowered place today.

With love 💞

Brenda